Alien Romulus (Theater) The story of this space movie begins roughly two decades post the explosion of the Nostromo and a space team is sent to investigate the explosion’s background. Imagine a youngster who is in the future travels to a colonized planet that lacks a star and instead of making piloting dead space stations to collect cryotubes seem like they are criminals, they have other plans. The youngsters attempt to attach a dead ship for a brief period to scan for potential signs of life, but the whole plan is jeopardized once they are ordered to go, ‘bump the lab’.
This is the moment where the film seems to try and squeeze in each of the films that were produced under the Alien franchise in one way or the other. There are some however who go as far as suggesting that this is quite possibly the first one where you do not have to have seen the other films in the series to understand what is going on. In the movie itself, we see the remnant bits and pieces including what was the horror for some of us Ripley Scott’s Prometheus which is another issue but not here. To sum it up this film is even for me who is not a fan of the series when there is supposed to be one about every 16-18 months as in the case of the ‘Puppet Master’ series.
Scott saying it’s time for him to move on is once again an exemplary case of a turn that many people have done over this very controversial series. How many times did he openly say “I’m done with the goddamned series back in the 80s” and now look at what he is doing, directing ‘Blade Runner’ over 20th Century Fox instead of them with their checking book? Or maybe you all horror fans ignore that shit? Another talk for another day (Seriously can you give me Neil Bolmkamp’s version of Alien 3 the way it was intended to be). Frigging hell I mean this movie just makes me complain even more so! Anyway don’t get a Prometheus bullshit because this film was excellent, not fantastic but watching it a couple of times would not bother as they finally got it right! Okay give me a series of movies featuring the Colonial Marines and watch some of you say that my picture is on a new Aliens comic Go see I am not lying.
This is the hardest movie ever to track down it took Ninja Master Dan Komarek sniffing around black holes of archive, Zombies Invade Pittsburg (Vimeo).
I want to thank both Com and the person who uploaded a ‘somewhat public access TV movie’ onto Vimeo. This reminder followed a brief email hovering over a video of them asking me to YouTube trust me it’s usually a movie originating from Florida. It is not a zombie movie from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania as it was a product of Jess Turner productions released in the year 1996 however the filming was done in the year 1988, after thorough research.
Let’s just go ahead and ask the most relevant question first. H-symbol pronounced in English, correct? Pennsylvania has palm trees, so that is enough. There is no clue about the palm trees lol, so let’s just move on. Somewhere along the line, a barrel broke and spilled sludge into Indian waters it’s not clear how or when that happened. After a flurry of phone activities and really long episodes of the sheriff explaining how big a deal he is for the whole affair, he figures out that it’s actually the government’s business to issue a cleanup order because they do it in the rush. Cut you Rutger Hauer or whoever you are, it’s already too late, all those resources are gone already the sludge has infiltrated the rivers the graves HAVE been drained and the zombies have arisen. The movie is too dark due to some video shoots between zombie movies, so there is blood, yet still, the point of this film is about injecting something that happens exactly in the middle of the movie. Why would there be an actual ending after 88 minutes cut’s worth of tension, all combined give one a sense of nostalgic absurdity, the rating would be 2 out of 4 stars for me.
Rejected (YouTube) The project of Rene Riva Productions is such an interesting one because they managed to capture an anthology into 15 minutes worth of raw/ brite VHS feel. We are in late November 1997 in the Sonu Studios where a couple of TV anchors are describing the commercials that were made for Sonu’s new camera which is digital and uses floppy disks but were unfortunately never produced. The ads show people using the newest camera which is advanced, yes, but also quite cruel to the subjects! I mean, this is a completely different level of horror and has been so beautifully brought out, that I give this short film a 4 out of 4 stars.
Killer Campout II (DVD) And now for this part, which is directed by Brad Twigg and several others, they say it has been a few years since they filmed part one and immersed themselves in Indy horror films yet again. Welcome to 1990, where Camp Phoenix is fully prepared to welcome wandering hippies looking to be led by a warrior guru aka camp counselor. Everything goes as smoothly as could be at the camp until a certain serial killer Blackwell is unearthed from his graves by three psycho freaks and wishes to perform voodoo black magic and nothing happens?
It happens the moment Blackwell surfaces from the planet. Everyone and everything in his woods is fodder for a barbeque. Is this what goes by ‘wilderness’ well a dwarf emerges with a flick ‘If’ I always hear about how rolve, what able actors discover their roles in this kind of playful casting (independent) movies. They blend, they play, and feel timelike the role was not just for stereotyping which thankfully there was sufficient of this and some random weird bonking seemed to meet the checkboxes for the slashing fans. Oh sure, I ought to commend it.
Given the slow pace, it’s hard not to see the place for more cuts. In fact, this film could be shot for 15 to 20 minutes without losing anything. Nevertheless, this will be a treat for fans and even critics. I will give this movie 2.5 stars out of 4.
Babezilla vs The Cyber Skanks Rise of the Mecha Babezilla (DVD) Hojbob Productions movies take the cake as the worst slasher film of all time, so feel free to watch this so-called ‘garbage’ DVD. Chalmers latest definitely promised much and understably enough, delivers. For obvious reasons, the wackiest of disclaimers that serve to depict the film is, without a doubt, the highlight of the movie. The very idea is that there is an evil non-non-disclosed company, that seeks to turn the sweet girls into cyborgs and train them to fight babezilla who crushes them with lasers from her breasts. She is beating up corporate every time they try to send the cyborgs to her and treat her as a queen zombie of the island. So what does Zilla, our superhero, do when she is not busy skirmishing with the zombies or shooting atrocious pirn? The Baghara meets her fans and attends ‘meet & greet’ events. This strategy backfired on the Cyber Skanks who are trying to kill her there as well but they have no chance of success and have to run as soon as Baba Zila arrives to ruin their plans.
If you’re looking for clever satire, this film will be perfect because it always features an impressive roster of indy stars such as Jessa Flux, Kelsey Livengood, Clint Beaver, and even Ginger Lynn. The eye candy is excellent, as is the appearance of the kung fu master Master Beta. For those who are interested, how do they perform? Unfortunately, I do not recommend watching this advertisement that I will show you next as it will likely make you feel uncomfortable. The video has been rated 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Thank you, thank you very much.
Die, Daisy, Die! (DVD)- Mark Mackner’s (Daisy Derkins comic book series) is now able to recreate the cherished character of Daisy Derkins, who has starred in four films and a short, through his comic book series. So, after defeating a lizard person, what does Daisy do with her life other than owning a comic book store? Daisy also knows that there are no guarantees when it comes to owning a business, so instead of dawdling, she gets a second job at another new popular dating app, DateGo, which everyone seems to be talking about. There’s speculation that the app’s real purpose is to raise funds for the humanoid lizards and their plot to assassinate Ms. Derkins, but for now, the app is in the process of gaining traction. It seems too absurd as the lizardmen come up with a plan to campaign on a new villain, The Dawn Avenger, that will allow them to buy time until Daisy is what? Transformed into a comforting, nurturing dose of their competition as their ambitions conquer the world.
Daisy’s first worry gets answered due to the fact that she is going to launch the opening of her comic book store and Rope plans to interview her on Public Access Television.
Perhaps this Cleaver engages in surprising in unequal doses, but in this Troma film set in some insane universe of the late 90s, out of nowhere Lloyd Kaufman pops in for a flashback and entirely incoherently dubs Dani the serial killer, Jew, monster, lit-forbidden she wants to slaughter them all. Well, I’m still working on weaving all the pieces together, which is why I give this project a rating of 2 ½ out of 4 stars
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